


Ask the Lonely

by Annie_Waits



Category: Smash (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-16
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 12:18:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/723222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Waits/pseuds/Annie_Waits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael and Karen were each familiar with the blight of heartache, bearing the pain of failed relationships since severed. Though that didn't stop them from seeking refuge in a friendship of one another. But they both got more than they bargained for when they realized they might be harboring more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 9:30

**Author's Note:**

> This is a roleplay between myself and a friend that we're still working on, but we've got a lot of material that we're looking for feedback and such on. It's written from a his/her perspective. I'm writing for Karen, he's writing for Michael. This takes place post season 1 and doesn't go along with season 2. Thanks for reading!

7:00AM|

Michael woke up early like he'd done every other morning. Nothing new. Just another day in the life. Or at least, nothing worth changing his habits over. Except Julia of course. She'd been making him lose sleep for awhile. Despite the tossing and turning at night though, he still couldn't manage to bring himself to stay in bed late. Even on a day off.

But unlike every other day, that morning he found his hotel room to be extra confining. Almost suffocating. He just wanted out. So he showered, got ready, and left as quickly as he could.

8:00AM |

After walking around awhile, exploring Boston some, he found himself at a small corner diner where he decided to stop and have breakfast. When he'd finished eating, he stayed to read the paper while finishing his coffee. He'd need more though to get through the day and function like normal. At the moment though, he wasn't in any rush to finish up and leave. He had plenty of time still before he'd have to go meet Karen at the theater.

Sure it would have been nice to have an entire day to himself. But if he did, he wouldn't even know what to do to fill up all that free time on his own. He'd much rather interact and do things with other people - members of the cast and/or production team - than spend too much time alone.

Besides, too much time alone for him now was dangerous. Time alone to think. Time alone with his guilt. Time alone with his regret. Time alone to tear himself down…

He needed the company of others.

9:20AM |

Michael arrived early to the theater, another to-go cup of coffee in hand. He had even brought along a second one for Karen just in case. And if she didn't want it, he'd gladly keep it for himself too. He did hope she'd take it though, he didn't actually need all that extra caffeine so soon. Not only that, but he also brought it as a thank you for her distracting him for however long their meeting lasted.

At least the time spent discussing whatever it was she had on her mind about the show, would be time away from his own thoughts.

But she wouldn't know he was actually grateful for the morning meet-up. He wouldn't tell her of his appreciation for it. He'd never admit anything was wrong. She'll likely think that she's taking up precious time of his and try to keep it brief or move quickly through things to get out of his hair.

So he could then have the rest of the day to himself. Free time to battle all the thoughts and feelings stirring in the back of his mind. How could he possibly prolong this little meeting of theirs without letting on to anything?

He sat pondering the possibilities.

\---------

Karen's phone went off rather loudly at 5 o'clock in the morning. Fortunately, it didn't wake Karen, as she'd been laying in bed awake since about 3:30. Sleep didn't come easily, even when she wore herself out with rehearsal and extra rehearsing even after actual rehearsal let out.

Part of her thought that her performance had been a fluke and that the next one would be awful if she didn't work her ass off to make it better. She was beginning to run herself ragged though. Too much work and not enough sleep. I'll sleep when I'm dead. She thought to herself as she rolled out of bed, searching for clothes to throw on to go running. It helped her clear her head and wake herself up for the day.

The cast had the day off from rehearsal, but Karen was excited that Michael had agreed to meet with her and go over some things. It made her feel a bit better. It would be easier to rehearse with someone there with her. She just hoped that she wasn't imposing on his time. She needed to stop thinking about Dev and wallowing in self pity. Her strange dinner with Derek two nights prior had done nothing to help her confusion or her sadness about the situation.

Karen ran for about an hour and a half before returning to the hotel to shower and change. She pulled on a pair of leggings and a long sweater, pulling her wet hair into a bun at the back of her head. It was much too early to be heading to the theater, she wasn't supposed to be meeting Michael until 9:30, but she figured that she could at least get some other things rehearsed before he got there.

She had stepped off stage to grab her bottle of water when Michael entered, and when she walked back out on the stage, she saw him sitting in the front row. Karen only had enough knowledge of the workings of the stage to know how to turn the work lights on, just several fluorescent lights above the stage. "Oh, hey Michael." Karen called out to him with a soft smile, quickly walking down the stairs of the stage, water bottle in hand, toward him. "You're early, aren't you? Or did I just lose track of time?" She asked, taking a long sip of water and sighing, her shoulder hunched a bit out of exhaustion. And it was only 9:30. Perfect. Karen thought, maybe I'll be tired enough to actually sleep tonight.

\----------

Michael took a sip of his coffee, completely lost in thought. It hadn't even occurred to him that the work lights had already been turned on over the stage. He should've taken notice the moment he entered the theater. So many times he'd walked into an empty dark theater and had to fumble around for the work lights himself when he wanted to rehearse early in the morning or late at night, or just get away to think.

The theater truly was his escape, in every sense of the word. There, he wasn't just Michael Swift. He wasn't just a man hopelessly in love with a woman just out of his reach. He wasn't just a husband or a father - now to a woman and child that weren't even there. In the theater he was someone else. He was a role, a part, a character. He was the very definition of escape. It was his sanctuary.

It finally dawned on him that he wasn't alone. He could have saved himself the deer-in-the-headlights look had he actually noticed the lights before hearing Karen's voice greeting him as she walked downstage. He blinked a few times, her question almost lost on him.

He got up, almost springing out of his seat to quickly recover from being caught off-guard. "Oh, yeah. I am a little early." He smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his head a moment. "Morning, Karen."

Michael wasted no time taking off his jacket and grabbing the other to-go cup to offer to her. "I brought some coffee just in case." He held it out toward her, his usual smile returning effortlessly to his face. He decided to just cut to the chase in order to avoid any awkward conversation or silence. "So what did you want to go over?" He took another sip of his coffee as he stepped up to the stage and turned halfway around to her. "Is there any specific scenes or numbers? Or would you like to run through all of ours?" He set the cup down at the very front of the stage, near the edge so it would be out of the way.

\--------

Karen was a little bit worried about meeting with Michael. Sure, they had done well together for the preview, but she still wasn't sure exactly where she stood with the man. The two hadn't really interacted much when she was still just a member of the ensemble and then what with him being thrown into the show only days before she was, there wasn't much time for getting to know him. Or how he felt about her being chosen over Ivy.

Almost wincing, Karen was about to apologize for scaring him when he spoke to her again. She closed her mouth and smiled softly. "Morning, Michael." She replied, biting her lip and grinning.

"Oh, thanks so much. I haven't had any today and I'm totally exhausted." Karen commented lightly, taking the coffee from him gratefully. Karen moved and sat on the prop bench that was left near the corner of the stage. She looked Michael over, noting that he looked tired and a bit downtrodden. Then again, everyone from the show was exhausted, Karen included but she was also stuck in a rut of self pity.

Karen was so busy studying Michael that she barely heard his question. It took her several moments for her brain to adequately process what he had asked her. When she finally did, she spoke quickly to try and recover. "Oh um, I mean whatever you have time for. I don't want to be a bother, I'm just really nervous about the next few previews. I kind of feel like I got lucky the other night." Karen looked down, shrugging a bit.

\--------

Karen's perceptive gaze hadn't been lost on Michael. He had felt her eyes on him the whole time, whether he was actively focusing on her or not. He really didn't know much about her outside of the ensemble chatter. And he knew better than to take it all at face value. He didn't spend time with her outside of rehearsal. Didn't take the time to try and get to know her. It honestly made him feel bad now because she definitely seemed like one of the good ones. Talented and genuine. He'd been so wrapped up in his own problems, he hadn't given her the time of day before.

Shows come and go. Casts come and go. That was all part of the business. Michael had learned long ago not to take sides and let it get to him. Karen managed to learn an entire show and get through a preview in a single day. But somehow he had a feeling that she'd be great. Sure, Ivy was more experienced and a pleasure to work with. But so far, working with Karen had been just as enjoyable and he could see she had so much potential.

"No problem." He'd previously replied with a small, lop-sided grin and a nod before he had headed up to the stage. He too had been consumed by exhaustion more often than not. Coffee had become more necessity than want. But that was often the case during the production of any show. That much was true for him anyway.

He contemplated her response, trying to figure out the best way to answer without sounding too eager and raising questions. Then again, perhaps that could be a good thing. Rehearse and get to know one another. Why not? It'd certainly take up a great deal of time, thus leaving him with less time by himself. He was more or less satisfied with the thought process.

He cleared his throat, "It's not a bother at all. I could use the extra rehearsing myself actually. So we can take as much time as you need. You did do great the other night, by the way. But I know what you mean. I think we all got lucky with it." He smiled again, hoping to ease some of the tension and uncertainty in the air. Lighten the mood and make her feel more comfortable.

He moved to center stage, "Alright, front and center." He gestured to the stage directly in front of him. "What do you feel most unsure about?"

\-----------

The last week had taken its toll on Karen. Made all the more evident by the breakdown she had alone in the hallway of the hotel after her dinner with Derek. It wasn't like Karen to just compartmentalize and continue on with life. She drew strength from her emotions; she didn't hide from them. But Karen no longer had anyone to talk to. Dev had always been her go to person to talk about people in the show and rant and rave and just let go. But he was gone now and so Karen was left mostly alone with her thoughts.

Sure, she had friends in the cast, but it was clear where everyone's loyalties lied. With Ivy, mostly. Plus, if it weren't enough that they all liked Ivy more than they did her, Karen's problems paled in comparison to the nightmare Ivy had created for herself. Karen recognized that Ivy's problems were more weighty, but it didn't keep Karen from wishing that for once people would notice that she needed someone.

Maybe she would talk to Michael.. Depending on how this whole day went rehearsing with him. He seemed to be a lot like her in that he didn't really interact with the ensemble and everyone on a personal level. Maybe they both needed someone to talk to.

There was something reassuring about Michael's words and the gentle smile he gave her. Karen smiled back and laughed softly as he moved to center. She quickly took a long sip of coffee before setting it on the desk on stage and standing up. Karen moved over to where Michael was standing, but kept a fair amount of distance between them.

"Um, Jessica mentioned something about History is Made at Night seeming awkward. I know it's probably just that we hadn't rehearsed it a lot and we're both kind of strangers.. But I think we should probably start there?" Karen said, a soft questioning tone to her voice, her eyes locked with Michael's.

\-----------

Generally, Michael did get rather close with whatever cast he was working with. Mostly because throughout the duration of a production, they end up being the people you interact with the most. You see them every day. They become extended family. The longer the production, the closer you end up being. Sometimes it's the same with a workshop, other times it isn't. He knew better than to get too attached in a workshop, because they didn't always succeed. He'd gone down in sinking ships before.

But the distance did put Michael in a tough spot. He had no one to talk to. He used to talk to his wife occasionally, but he tried not to bring all the drama home with him. This time around, he couldn't even talk to her because everything revolved around Julia. He couldn't talk to Julia because of the circumstances and her keeping him at arm's length and pushing him away. He wouldn't talk to Tom because Tom was always on Julia's side.

He kept everything in for months. He tried to talk to Julia more than once. Each time though it left him feeling more hurt than the last. Ultimately, his attempts got him fired. She couldn't handle it. He'd assured Julia that it really was for the best…but he only said it for her benefit. He didn't really want to leave the show, or her. And after Frank had found out about them, it killed Michael to see Julia so upset. But at the same time, he saw a glimmer, a chance for him to fit into her future. And that wasn't something he was willing to let go of. Not again.

He told his wife about the affair shortly thereafter. And about the five years prior. She left, took their son Artie with her. Went to Seattle to stay with her parents. Michael was left with an empty apartment, and a huge hole in his life. He'd give Julia what she wanted though, time and space. Meanwhile, he'd suffer.

But when he got the call to return to the show, he didn't hesitate. No way Julia would have allowed them to hire him back unless she wanted him there. Turned out that she was resistant and they were in a tight spot and called him back anyway. Turned out that Julia was trying to fix things with Frank and thus avoid him altogether and push him away. Turned out Michael was right about how she felt about him. Whether she admitted it or not, he knew.

Then after rehearsal just before the last preview, there was a moment with her that left him with some hope. At least a glimmer of it in that moment. It was gone the next though. Not having someone to talk to was really starting to get to him.

He took a breath. "Alright. Now, I'm no prop guy so we'll just have to use our imagination with the staging," he smirked somewhat as he got into position to begin.

\------------

There was definitely a certain innocence to Karen. It wasn't as though she was inexperienced or a prude, but she was brought up in such a way that the glamor and sexuality associated with the theater made her blush. That was why this number in particular had been hard for her. History is Made at Night was a sentimental number, yes, but it also had a distinct air of lust and passion to it, requiring both parties to be willing and comfortable. Karen was anything but.

Karen moved to stand beside Michael, leaving an awkward amount of distance between them. The beginning of the number started out with a lazy, close slow dance. It was supposed to be relaxed and casual and yet Karen couldn't seem to breathe properly. She was exhausted and very near a massive breakdown. She took a deep breath though and stepped closer to Michael. "I think just the blocking, yeah?" Karen whispered, her voice breathy.

It wasn't that Michael made her uncomfortable. Karen just didn't know how to interact with someone in that way so casually. That night in Derek's apartment had been nerve wracking. Karen could do sex, that much was clear, but she always ended up thinking about it too much. Sexy, when over thought, tended to look awkward. And Karen's overworked brain was processing things at an alarming rate and insisting on over-analysis.

\-----------

The tension returned fully the moment he got into position and she had hesitated, leaving a rather awkward distance between them for a lingering moment. And if that wasn't any indication, the uncertainty in her hushed tone was crystal clear. Nerves. No matter how many shows Michael did, he still always got nervous at one point or another. But for him the nerves were a sign that he was still on the right path, still doing what he so loved to do. Because without nerves there would be no thrill, no enjoyment or satisfaction in the end. And without any of that, what would be the point?

Karen was talented. She had an amazing voice. She was hard-working and learned quickly. She was very pretty. She didn't get caught up in the allure of the theater or let her ego run away with her. She had preserved an innocence about her. Even amidst all the drama and chaos and bad, she didn't lose herself. That kind of strength and will were things that Michael actually admired and respected about her.

Upon taking notice of the distress Karen was experiencing, Michael immediately changed gears. He was no idiot. Now it wasn't about the number anymore. He stepped closer to her, "I don't bite, I promise," he smiled. "Look, this isn't going to work if you're not comfortable with it. We've got to be in this together a hundred percent up here in front of those audiences or they won't believe it. So what do you need from me to make that happen?"

He touched her arm gently, a gesture meant to reassure her which he hoped came across as such. "As a co-star working opposite of you, I'm here to help, Karen. I'm not here to make it even more difficult for you. Because if you're off your game, then so am I. It doesn't play out well for either of us that way. And I think Derek's got that plenty covered already anyway."

Michael paused, retracting his hand. "Sorry. That's not really any of my business."

\-----------

Karen knew that she had nothing to be afraid of or nervous about with Michael. He was a nice guy and an amazing actor. Even when they were both scrambling to put the show together, he had been kind and patient with her. That wasn't what made her nervous though. Karen knew that if she slowed down or stopped that everything would come crashing down on top of her. She would ruin the show, and end up breaking down because of it. If she stopped rehearsing, stopped running herself ragged, the emotional trauma of the last week would drown her.

Drawing in a deep breath, Karen relaxed as Michael stepped closer to her and placed his hand gently on her arm. Karen's tense muscles melted a bit as she relaxed. She gave Michael a soft smile and a nod. It was comforting to know that Michael was on her side and willing to help her through all of this. The learning aspect of it.

Karen waved off Michael's apology. She bit her lip as she thought for a moment, swallowing hard. "I don't know what I need." She said softly, looking up at him. "I know it's stupid and I'm "too green" but I've never had to do this before." Karen confessed, gesturing between them. "Do you have any ideas?" She asked, her eyes pleading.

\------------

"It's not stupid." Michael considered her dilemma for a moment, eyes wandering as he tried to put himself into her shoes and figure out what would be needed. He shoved his hands into his pockets and smiled slightly to himself before returning his gaze to her. "My first onstage kiss, real kiss, I was a nervous wreck. It was in my younger, inexperienced days as an actor. When it came to that particular moment in rehearsal the first time around, I froze. Lost my words, staging, everything. It was super embarrassing. The wonderful young actress I was playing opposite off took me aside and told me that it was okay to be nervous and it happened to the best of us at one point or another. She then told me about an embarrassing moment for her."

He paused, searching her eyes for an indication of recognition as to what he was getting at. She was a bright young girl, so he had no doubt about her catching on. But just in case, to avoid confusion or further stress and also for his own benefit, he took the opportunity to continue down this particular path. "Maybe if we knew more about each other and our experiences, it might help you become more comfortable up here with me. I know it can't be easy for you to pretend to be so into someone you don't know much about and have spent very little time with."

He began for the desk onstage, waving her along with him and pulling out a chair for her as well as himself. "Like I said, I have all day to make you comfortable so you can do your absolute best in this. If anything comes to mind that you'd like from me in order to help you, please let me know. I mean it. So come on, talk to me. Or ask me something. I'm at your disposal, Miss Cartwright. Have a seat." He smiled lightly. Thankfully, the coffee had begun to kick in so he was a bit more upbeat and focused.

\------------

There was something relaxing about Michael's demeanor. He seemed easy going enough and he was incredibly nice. It was true that Karen didn't know much about him, he was right about that, but it didn't have anything to do with her not thinking good things of him. They just hadn't had a real reason to interact before they were both thrust into leading roles, one of them for the second time and the other for the first.

Karen laughed softly at his memory of his first stage kiss. She bit her lip as she started to understand what he was getting at and she followed him hesitantly over to the desk, sitting in the chair he pulled out for her. There was a gentle smile on her face when he reiterated that he had all day to help her. No one had ever been that invested in helping her out, even if bettering her performance helped him in the long run as well.

Karen cleared her throat before speaking. "It isn't that it's hard to be attracted to you. Not at all. It's the raw passion. The lust…" Karen paused for a second, wanting to hit herself for blushing. "The uh sex." She said, avoiding Michael's eyes. Her mind racing with the fact that he probably saw her as some silly little inexperienced girl. "It's hard to be able to act that, you know?" Karen shrugged, standing up again and pacing the length of one of the shadow boxes, running her hand over the frame.

\-----------

Michael looked down and smiled somewhat before returning his gaze to her, fully understanding her issue now. Though he wasn't sure exactly how to resolve it. For him, yes his first onstage kiss posed a minor hiccup in rehearsal, but he managed to overcome his nerves and reservations quickly. After that he never had much problem portraying sex. Perhaps it was his lax nature. His upbringing and the fact that he was a guy likely also played into it quite a bit.

"You're over-thinking things, Karen. You have it in you to be an amazing actress, but you're getting hung up on what should be just another scene to play." He approached her at the shadow box she'd gone to. "I mean, you have this innocence about you but you're not a saint, are you? So you know how to play it. All you have to do is let go and don't worry about the little details. They're trivial. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't let the audience, or Derek, or yourself, or anyone hold you back. You can do this."

He held his hand out to her, "So show them you can. Show them you are the right choice. Because once you overcome this - and believe me, you can and you will - there won't be a thing in the world to keep you from the spotlight." He had changed gears entirely now, no longer treading so lightly and proceeding with as much caution because he saw an opportunity to create a spark and he was now bound and determined to help her get over her obstacle. One he was confident he could at least drive her in the right direction to conquering.

It hadn't even occurred to him yet that he might not be thrusting himself into the matter for all the right reasons at that moment. His intentions were nothing but good. Although, he did need something to focus on in order to avoid his own problems, when instead, he should be facing them. Still, he did genuinely want to help her. She was a kind and talented young woman and she deserved her shot. She was good already, but he knew if she could just get past this, that she'd be great.

\-----------

Perhaps Michael was right. Maybe Karen was over-thinking the situation. It shouldn't matter what the thought process to get to that comfortable level with Michael was. Regardless of how she was going to get there, she needed to do just that. It had been a long time since anyone had spoken so confidently and kindly about her talents and encouraged her. Michael's words caused a rush of pride and thankfulness to course through her, making her feel infinitely better than she had when she had arrived at the theater.

Karen offered Michael a shy, small smile and placed her hand into his, squeezing lightly in thanks. After taking a deep breath, Karen stepped toward Michael. "So we'll run the number?" She said, a note of self-assurance in her voice this time, as well as a light flirtatious tone that the number in question would require. "And then lunch, I think. Maybe get to know each other."

Karen was exceedingly glad that Michael didn't see her as some silly, innocent little girl. He recognized that innocence within her, but also the darker, more scandalous side of the usually sweet, naive seeming girl. Few had been able to pin her the way that Michael had, and they didn't even really know each other that well.

\-----------

Michael's casual demeanor shifted with that of a wide smile, pleased that he had managed to give her the push she needed and ready to run through the number full stride. He had instantly recognized the change in Karen's attitude with the tone of her voice and squeezed her hand lightly in acknowledgement. It was precisely the confidence and flare she needed to harness with him for this - with anyone in any show that had anything remotely racy in it actually.

Overcoming it now meant not having to worry when someone less eager to help and be patient came along. Overcoming it now could be the difference between landing and not getting roles in the future. Karen was lucky she had Derek backing her so strongly, as well as himself. Without the support of the Derek and leading man, things could have gone very differently.

He nodded, "We'll run the number. And lunch sounds great."

With that, Michael got into position with her and started. The lead shifted throughout but he relinquished a lot of the control in order to keep pushing. He'd take the reigns and nudge her along if he felt her nerves getting the better of her. But he didn't think it'd be necessary though. She had this now. It was all her.

And somehow, this seemed more natural to him. Not that he didn't like Ivy or enjoy working with her because he certainly did. She was very good and bold which did make it easier on him. But the innocence that Karen possessed, along with that flirtatious side she had trouble with, just screamed Marilyn coming into her own. Norma Jean was on her way out. It's what Derek had been so sure of the whole time, Michael got it now.

\-----------

It was remarkable how in the course of fifteen minutes, how much better Karen felt. She had come into the theater exhausted and downtrodden and now as the pair moved into position to start to intimate number, Karen felt a renewed sense of confidence in herself and in her ability to play this part with Michael.

Karen could tell that Michael was stepping back in order for her to have to step forward and take control of the situation. She didn't mind so much, and wholeheartedly engaged herself in the mutual seduction between Joe and Marilyn. The situation was oddly reminiscent of Karen's "performance" in Derek's apartment the night she found out about her call back. Karen harnessed the temptress attitude, but left the nervousness behind; Michael caused her to be far less nervous than Derek did.

The number ran smoothly, Karen's thighs straddling Michael's in the final position of the song, leaning forward as her lips brushed his lightly, teasingly, her teeth playfully nipping at his lower lip before the final beat of the song hit and Karen gave Michael an embarrassed smile, sliding off his lap to the side of the couch. It wasn't hard to get into a number like that with Michael and Karen found that even though she was a little bit hesitant at the end, she didn't stop to think about her action during the number, which played well. "Better, I think." Karen stated with a small smile. "Thank you, Michael."

\----------

Michael ran through the number with ease, having gone through it plenty of times before. It was nice to not have Derek breathing down anyone's neck during it too. This time though, he was pleasantly surprised with how Karen handled herself. The nerves had almost entirely disappeared and she brought out a bit of fire with the darker side she often kept hidden away. But he knew she had it in her to pull this off. He just didn't expect her to take him at his word so quickly and overcome.

He too had underestimated her a bit. But this was just a testament to her abilities as an actress and her determination. It also meant that she had more trust in him than he had guessed. Which was good because if you don't have trust in your leading partner, how can you expect to put on a good show?

At the end of the number, Michael remained in his position on the couch, a bit taken back by just how much Karen had thrust herself into it. It was exactly what needed to happen though. He just hadn't anticipated her overcoming the nerves so much so quickly. She was definitely a surprising and uniquely talented girl. Different, refreshing even.

He looked over to her after a brief moment, "I'd have to agree, Miss Cartwright," he grinned. "You are most welcome. You feel better about it now? Do you want to run it again or have anything else you're struggling with? Or shall we go eat?"

\------------

Most people saw Karen as a naive and innocent girl. That she was pure and not at all suited to play the sex the that Marilyn needed to. Those people were wrong though, as Derek and now Michael knew. There was a fiery side to Karen, a seductive side. She was more than capable of making men melt when she needed to, it was just her at times painful insecurity that kept her from using such wiles all the time like Ivy sometimes did.

It was better to be seen as nice and sweet, people trusted her more. Most people didn't trust Ivy off the bat because they could tell that what she was projecting was only skin deep. Karen had always been more genuine than that.

There was a brief moment of anxiety as Karen stared at Michael who seemed to be slightly dazed. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Karen licked her lips, taking a few deep breaths to lower her heart rate as Michael turned to her and spoke. The smile on his lips caused Karen to calm down considerably. "Sorry if I went a bit too far toward the end." Karen said, a small grin on her face.

Shifting on the couch and tucking her legs underneath her, she shook her head. "I think I'm okay now. Lunch sounds great." She said, a faint blush creeping up her cheeks. "Would it be at all possible to, on some other off day, go over some other numbers and things? Just to get used to it all?" Karen asked, glancing at Michael again and fiddling with the edge of her tank top. The stark contrast between the confidant persona of Marilyn and the real Karen Cartwright was blatant in the small uncertain actions.

\--------

Michael chuckled and shook his head slightly, "No, not at all. Don't be. That's exactly the kind of behavior we were aiming for, right? So mission accomplished. You have nothing to apologize for, you should be proud. That was great, really." His hand found her knee for a moment to reassure her, not wanting that confidence to fall victim to uncertainty.

After hearing her question, he retracted his hand, not wanting any awkwardness to suddenly linger. He didn't even need to mull it over, there was no alternative to even consider. He'd be happy to help. And now that this little session had gone so smoothly and successfully, he felt a sense of kinship with Karen and helping her. He also looked forward to getting to know her. He could use a friend.

"Absolutely. It's definitely tougher to get comfortable in rehearsal since the pressure is on and everyone is there watching and participating. One false move and you're being forcibly stopped and called out. Then you either continue or run it again or move on. It's chaotic having to concentrate on every little detail under scrutiny, especially when it's not just you effecting the outcome. It'll benefit both of us to get comfortable with everything for at least the two of us together. We can take our time. Then later on we just have to worry about everyone else falling in line. That will be the easy part though because we'll have our parts down and all you'll have to focus on if the nerves come back is me."

Michael was honestly not even thinking about himself in the equation anymore. He had come into it somewhat selfishly, looking to the benefit for him in getting Karen comfortable since as his partner, her performance reflected back into his own. Having also been fired and brought back on so abruptly, he knew he could use the extra rehearsing, especially at his own leisure. But, even in such a short span of time, a bond had begun to form between them. A trust and friendship he wanted to invest more time and effort in pursuing. He didn't really have anyone in Boston after all, or anywhere else now for that matter. Julia was complicated. Tom was on her side. Ivy had her own agenda. And he didn't spend much time with anyone else given the circumstances of his participation in the show thus far.

He was hoping to make it all change now though. He was in this. And it wasn't as if he were in it alone. So why exclude himself? He'd never been part of a show where he didn't make friends with fellow cast and crew members. It was only natural given how much time was spent with everyone throughout the duration of a production.

He stood and went to retrieve his coffee and Karen's, walking back over to her on the couch. "Where would you like to go eat?" He held the cup out for her.  
\------------


	2. Lunch

There was something distinctly genuine about the way that Michael spoke to her and encouraged her. It was almost as though he had completely set aside his own motives in order to help her with her own performance. Karen knew that probably wasn't true, but rather Michael just recognized that by helping her he was helping himself.

It was that same something that made Karen smile wide at Michael, feeling infinitely more comfortable. Karen wasn't entirely sure where Michael's allegiances were on the cast, but they both appeared to be in a similar situation of being short-notice thrust into roles without proper relationships with the cast. Karen was okay friends with the ensemble, but it was made more than clear to her that they were all Team Ivy. That made Karen nervous and wary. It wasn't that she didn't trust them, she just didn't trust them extensively. Because Karen knew first hand what Ivy could do when she was feeling vindictive. Karen figured those feelings would be increased ten-fold by the fact that Karen was given Marilyn.

Karen nearly growled out loud at the thought of Ivy, the burst of anger was quickly replaced with dull heart ache at the thought of Dev. Goodness she was pathetic. All of that aside though, Karen needed a friend at least. Maybe that person could be Michael, since he seemed to lack bonding ties to the other members of the cast and ensemble.

Karen nodded in agreement at Michael's statements about rehearsals. Boy did Karen know how hard it could be to work with Derek yelling every fifteen seconds. It didn't make learning blocking any easier to have someone criticizing and correcting your every move, even if it were for the good of the show and what not.

When Michael stood, Karen followed, walking just behind him over to the table where they had left their coffee. She gave Michael a soft smile and took hers from him. "There's that cafe down the street a little ways." Karen suggested and at Michael's nod of agreement, they set out from the theater.

The two walked in an oddly comfortable silence, both absorbed in their own thoughts. Karen wondered idly what Michael was thinking about. He seemed to a nice, interesting guy and she genuinely wanted to know more about him. Plucking up a bit of courage, Karen decided to speak up once they were seated at the cafe. "So what's your story, then?" She asked, a grin on her face as she ran her finger around the edge of the water glass that had been placed in front of her.

\------------------

The suggestion of the cafe was just fine with Michael and he'd given a nod of approval when Karen mentioned it. He'd been there before, every morning for coffee in fact. He'd even gone for breakfast earlier that morning. It was nice, he liked it. It had a homey feel to it, much like the corner cafes and diners in Manhattan. That was likely what drew him to it in the first place. And it was within waling distance to both the hotel and the theater. Made it a central place to find and get to. Definitely ideal in a town you're not familiar with.

On the way, they walked in silence. Comfortably so, lost in thought. Michael had become consumed by "what-ifs" once again. About the show, life, Julia. What would become of him and his life now? Or after the show? Back in New York? He'd come to realize rather quickly that aside from the show, he didn't have much going for him anymore. And it unsettled him in the most unpleasant way. The biggest if on his mind now was whether or not the show would succeed and what that would mean for him either way.

If it did take off, he'd at least be employed and busy for the next couple of months - depending on the run of the production. Traveling to different cities meant a lengthy run because of the travel. They wouldn't do it for only a few cities either as that wouldn't be worth the expense. Broadway meant a lengthy run as well because it had to be good to even make it and would be on for a couple of months at least in order for it to be worth the run. Off-Broadway could go either way. And a smaller company meant a short run.

He suddenly remembered that he wasn't alone on this journey, and reeled in his thoughts. Although, Karen seemed preoccupied by her own musings. Relieved that he hadn't come off as being rude and ignoring her, he then became curious as to what was on her mind. But he didn't want to interrupt since she hadn't done so with him.

When they reached the cafe, they sat at a corner table by the window. Michael eased into his seat comfortably, their server immediately presenting them with water and menus. He was about to glance over the menu briefly before starting conversation when she swooped in and took the initiative. He chuckled and grinned, both surprised by her candor and also feeling a little put on the spot. But, it wasn't as if this wouldn't come up in getting to know someone. He just wished he had a simple answer. A better one than what he'd been dwelling on.

"Oh, well…boy has dream. Boy participates in school and community productions. Boy goes to college. Boy continues to pursue roles in city productions. Boy somehow manages to make it into one, and then another, and some more - making dream into reality. Boy meets girl. It's complicated. Boy has his heart broken but continues with his now-career. Boy meets another girl, gets married, has a kid. Continues career. Things get messy again, people get hurt, move on. Facts of life, you know?"

He almost felt bad for the vagueness. This was after all, supposed to be them getting to know one another better. He was just still so torn and disbelieving of how his life had managed to become so unraveled. It was his own doing. But he never thought he'd end up in a place like this. He hoped maybe he could avoid further scrutiny, at least for the moment, if he then turned the question around on her. "What about you?" He had this feeling she might not be satisfied with his answer though, and prepared himself for further explanation. If it didn't happen right away, it would come back around sooner or later though. That much he was sure of.

\------------

Karen could be shy at times. There were a lot of times actually that Karen tended to take a step back and observe. It was kind of amazing what you could learn about people by just watching their interactions. For example, the waitress who dropped off the menus smiled coyly at Michael and batted her eyelashes, something not missed by Karen, especially when it was preceded by a glare in her own direction, making Karen nearly laugh out loud. Despite her sometimes wall-floweresque behavior, she definitely had the capacity to be friendly and engaging. Her time working at the cafe had taught her that.

It was a bit surprising the way Michael offhandedly told her a run down of his life. It even took Karen a moment to process and realize that it was both incredibly descriptive and vague all at the same time. If Michael's intention was to brush off the question, he had failed, only making her more curious about him and his life. Karen hadn't known that he was married, but it clicked in her head now something that she had heard him say to Julia on the night of her first preview, about someone leaving him and taking someone with them. Karen assumed he must have been talking about his wife and child. That realization made Karen's heart clench for Michael.

It was clear that he didn't want to talk specifics and while Karen was almost a bit hurt by the vagueness and the lack of desire for her to know much about him, she decided it was best to let him get away with the reader's digest version of his life. Karen took a sip of water as she tried to think about the best way to approach his question.

Karen bit her lip and shrugged. "My story is most likely identical to any other young hopeful actress. Nothing too unique. Grew up in a small town with people with small dreams and stood out with my big dreams. Been told I can't do it my whole life basically. Out to prove people wrong I guess." Karen paused, swallowing hard. "I was seeing a guy for a while, first real boyfriend ever." Karen rolled her eyes, making a face. "Bit pathetic, but I'm only 24. It fell through though. Um, he and Ivy were together after he asked me to marry him. I found out about it the day of my first preview as Marilyn." Karen shrugged again, proud of herself for keeping it together despite the sharp pain her chest.

"That's about it, I suppose. Nothing too special." The waitress came back to take their order, looking directly at Michael and ignoring Karen for the moment.

\--------------

Michael was intrigued by the overview of her life. He felt bad now that he had brushed his off so quickly and nondescriptly. It was hard for him to even admit as much as he had the way he did. He hadn't really faced it yet himself…so in the few moments it took him to decide how he wanted to answer, he was confronting what he'd been trying to avoid. Letting it slowly sink in. He wasn't entirely sure what to really make of it all yet. What had become of his life?

Before he could say anything in response to Karen though, the waitress had returned all too eager to take his order. He smiled at her, realizing he had not yet even taken a moment look over the menu. He looked to Karen, "Ladies first. Do you know what you want? I haven't the slightest clue yet." He smiled sheepishly and immediately grabbed his menu to take a quick peak at the choices and make a decision on-the-fly.

After getting their orders in, Michael returned his focus to Karen and the conversation they had started. "Wow, that's just…terrible. Real piece of work, the both of them. I'm sorry to hear that, Karen. Doesn't seem to me like you deserved any of it. Despite that and the lack of rehearsal as the leading lady though, you managed to do a good show anyway. Says a lot about you and your character. And that right there proves everyone and anyone else wrong who has told you that you wouldn't be able to do it."

He bit his lower lip somewhat, coming to the conclusion that if they were going to rehearse one-on-one and get to know one another, he'd have to come clean. Might as well make it sooner rather than later. He'd already begun to build this trust with her, no sense ruining it by suddenly becoming closed-off after being so open and casual with her before. Besides, if he really wanted a friendship with her, it would be a two way street. Give and take and give some more.

He heaved a sigh and leaned forward in his seat, resting his forearms on the edge of the tabletop. "Look, I think we could both use a friend out here. And it's only fair that I delve into specifics with you. I mean, you just laid it out on the table for me. Not the mention the trust I asked for in rehearsal goes both ways, in and out of the theater." He tilted his head at her somewhat, gauging her reaction briefly before proceeding.

"I fell in love with a married woman and mother five years ago. Before I leave anything to speculation, I'll just go ahead and tell you that the woman was Julia. It started out as something harmless, but that's how these things tend to go, don't they? They sneak up on you. After awhile it turned into something more, for both of us. But she had Frank and Leo and I never told her how I really felt. Then one day it was over. I was…really hurt for a long time. Then I met Monica and things started to get better. We got married, had a son, Artie. Things continued looking up." He paused a moment, collecting his thoughts before continuing.

"Then I get a call from my agent about a lead role in a new upcoming show…a Houston and Levitt production. After the first show I did with them was so successful, my wife immediately encouraged me to work with them again. That and well, a chance to play Joe DiMaggio was something she didn't want me to pass up on either. Especially not having a legitimate reason not to go for it since I didn't have anything else going on. I hadn't told her about the affair. I don't think I ever really got over it. No, I know I never really got over it now. But not having Julia in my life over time made it easy for me to bury those feelings and move on, or at least I really tried to. Seeing her again though brought everything back. It was like a wave crashing down on me and all at once, I was right back where I started." He took a breath, eyes dropping to the table as his memories began to consume him, conflict written all over his face.

\---------------

Despite being able to keep it together while telling Michael about Dev, she felt tears prick her eyes at his kind reassurance. He was the first person she had really told about it. The past week had been a whirlwind of rehearsals and distractions. Rarely did Karen have a moment to really talk to someone, and even if she had, who would she have told? There were moments when she would lay in her hotel room and wonder if it was her fault that she didn't have closer relationships with the people in the cast.

It seemed to be the only common denominator. Karen was a friendly, kind person, but she didn't make friends easily or quickly. She had been in New York for two years and the only person that she had met that she talked to on a regular basis was Dev. Her devotion to trying to find a role of some sort and working to support herself made it difficult to really socialize.

Taking a deep breath, Karen was able to blink back any trace of sadness. She didn't want to cry in front of Michael, it would be utterly pathetic and she couldn't take the pity.

Because of this, she was pleasantly intrigued that Michael had leaned toward her to speak again. His body language conveying interest and a level of comfort. Karen nodded enthusiastically at the mention of building some sort of friendship. She really did need that now. Plus, Karen found herself drawn to Michael. The genuine reassurance he offered her managed to calm her nerves more than any halfhearted reassurance from Dev or forceful comment from Derek.

Karen shifted, her body positioning mirroring his, intrigued. Her eyes locked with Michael's as he started his explanation. Karen couldn't say she was surprised that the woman in question was Julia, there had been some blatant awkwardness when she observed them in rehearsals. She was a bit surprised about the affair, but her eyes conveyed no judgment, just curiosity. Especially after the fiasco with Dev, Karen wasn't one to condone cheating, but there was something about the way that Michael spoke about Julia that made goosebumps rise on her skin.

The story and Michael's words consumed Karen for the few moments that he was speaking and she found herself at a loss for words when he paused and broke her eye contact. He looked.. heartbroken. Karen's hand, of its own volition found its way into Michael's. Waiting for a moment until he looked up to speak softly, "You really love her, don't you?" There was a moment's pause before she added, "What happened this time around?" Karen asked, her thumb tracing circles on Michael's wrist.

\------------

Again, Karen had managed to catch Michael off-guard when she slipped her hand into his, evident by the surprise in his eyes when he lifted his gaze back to hers. He didn't recoil though. It was nice actually, having someone to finally reassure and comfort him in the face of his demons. He gave her a small halfhearted smile at her questions, recomposing himself to continue on despite the dull ache that had taken his chest hostage from the recount of events and emotions.

He nodded, "I really do. And it's terrible of me considering the circumstances. I just can't help it though. I don't know how or when exactly it happened either, but she somehow managed to find her way into my heart. And I haven't been able to get her out."

Michael exhaled audibly, clearly in distress as his free hand found it's way to his face, fingers rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose a moment before resting back upon the table. "This time? She wanted nothing to do with me right away. It was awkward even greeting one another at the start of rehearsal a few times given the history. But, against my better judgment, I pushed. I shouldn't have, but we were friends once - able to talk to each other about show related and non-show related matters. I wanted that back at least. Like five years ago though, it didn't end there. "I wanted more. I'd wanted more all along. So I kept pushing."

He scoffed, shaking his head. "I'm such an asshole. Of all the things I could possibly have become, a home-wrecker was never one I thought I'd be. You can't help who you fall in love with. She tried to push me away, made it very difficult for me. I knew she felt something for me, something more than just the physical. But I shouldn't have kept on and I affair started back up and Leo found out about us. Julia fired me. Then Frank found out and confronted me and took off for awhile. Julia talked to me as well one night, finally taking some responsibility for everything even though I was fully prepared to take all the blame for her."

"That omission of guilt sent me a message though. Told me that she was finally facing things for what they were. I told my wife about everything and she left, took our son, and went to her parents' in Seattle. That was more recent actually. Sometime during this, Frank had gone back to Julia. And then I get called back to the show again. And I knew Julia would never have agreed to let them hire me back unless she was done fighting me. So I came back, hopeful. All she did was ignore and avoid me, until I finally confronted her. Then I come to find that they went over her head and she was ready to quit in order to keep the distance between us. Frank and Leo encouraged her to stick with it though since it was her show. And that's why they're here with her now, moral support, as well as security. I can't blame them though. I'd been in their life before, a friend of theirs once. And I betrayed them all."

"The other night at rehearsal for that preview, Julia and I finally talked again. This was different though. She was different. She admitted to running away, but not from me, from herself. I told her about Monica and Artie. There was a brief moment, and then Frank was there. I don't even know what's going on anymore or what to do. I really thought coming back would be different this time and in some ways it is. But I can't help having a notion that my heart is going to be trampled on a third time. I don't think I could handle it again, not after all that's happened." He smiled and chuckled bitterly. "And now I need the show."

\------------------

There was a tight pain in Karen's chest as she listened to Michael, and for the first time in days it had nothing to do with the pain from the collapse of her and Dev's relationship. Karen tended to empathize with people well, but it was different with Michael. In different ways, they shared the same pain. A broken heart was a broken heart no matter how it got that way.

It was wholly intriguing to listen to Michael. Karen found herself fascinated with not just want he was saying, but the way he said it. It had never occurred to Karen that there might be people who lived the way she did. With everything on the line. Most people hide portions of themselves, they reserve themselves so that they're safe from pain. Karen had never been that way. All or nothing, she had adopted from a young age. Living with her heart on her sleeve, with her passion out for the whole world to see, made Karen especially susceptible to disappointment and heartache, but it brought with it a light. Something that Derek had seen within her, something that she had that Ivy lacked. Risk, skin in the game. Karen gambled with her heart for everything that she dreamed of. And for once, it had worked. Backfiring only in the sense that it was her dedication to theater that drove away the man she thought loved and believed in her.

Karen took a few moments after Michael finished speaking to process it all. The man had been through a lot. Some of it self-inflicted, but for obviously good intentions. Karen didn't peg Michael as a manipulator, and she could tell all of his feelings were genuine. Karen's eyes conveyed no pity, it was personal experience that told her that would be the last thing that he would want. At least, for her that was the case.

"I'm so sorry, Michael." Karen said, withdrawing her hand so as not to make him uncomfortable. Struggling with the proper wording, Karen bit her lip before speaking again. "We're a rare breed, cut of the same sort of material. We risk our hearts and we allow them to be broken, sometimes seemingly beyond repair. But what keeps me going is the belief that eventually, someone will relate. Someone who lives in a similar way."

Shrugging in a casual way so as not to come off as awkward, Karen dropped Michael's gaze, a light blush working its way over her cheeks.

Michael had learned the consequences of living with one's heart on their sleeve long ago. He started out with everything out in the open for all the world to see and take as it saw fit. And take it did. Ate him alive for a span of time which he allowed. He hadn't known any better when he was younger. Just another starry-eyed dreamer. In some ways he still was, but his past experiences hardened him somewhat.

For awhile he managed to section part of himself off in order to play it safe. But it was exhausting, keeping that part of him hidden. And for what? Loving someone should be all or nothing. You don't pick and choose what to love about the person you are in love with. You love everything about them, good and bad. So why should he keep something out of reach? Pain was part of life. He'd experienced it plenty throughout his thus far. He liked to think overcoming it each time made him stronger. But perhaps that wasn't the case. Because each time he was hurt more than the last, it took more to achieve the pain but it would still come full-fledged.

Besides, hiding a piece of yourself away just seemed…wrong. Like lying or at least, not revealing the whole truth. Or cheating, as if having some sort of guide to love and life. Love and trust went hand-in-hand and along with them, honesty. At least, that was the way it was for Michael. He sensed that Karen and him had more in common than he originally would have guessed. But then again, he knew from the start she was a different sort of person, one that he felt drawn to because of the way she carried herself. She just came off as being so…real. Something the world of theater lacked a lot of with its performers. Everyone seemed to be playing a part all the time to get what they wanted. Friends, fame, favors, etc. It was all so exhausting to find time and time again.

After he'd finished the recount of the mess that had become of his life, he felt a mix of relief and utter discontent all at once. Relief in that he finally had gotten everything off of his chest to someone willing to listen and seemingly genuinely interested in the whole ordeal. Discontent in that the admittance made him feel awful. He'd caused so much damage, he wasn't sure what he could even repair at this point. His heart would mend with time, he knew. But the ties he'd severed with his family he wasn't even sure he wanted to fix, which also made him feel worse. And then there was the damage and pain he'd caused for Julia and her family.

He felt like the worst person in the world. Only a shred of a man because really what he'd been during the whole thing didn't resemble anything of the man he'd been and wanted to be. He went against everything he believed in and lived by except one major ideal. Love. He wondered if love itself was enough reason to justify his actions. Absolve him of all the wrong-doing. Maybe. He wasn't sure.

He caught himself chewing on his lower lip after he fell silent, searching Karen's eyes for a sign of understanding and hoping not to find the disgust he tasted lingering in his mouth after his words. He was relieved again it wasn't there as he listened to her, also realizing that they related to one another all too well. It startled him somewhat. It was as if being faced with the other half of himself he'd been missing all along. The best friend he should have had long ago.

Michael also found himself idly missing her hand when it was gone. Or at least, the warmth that had been in the now empty space and comfort that had went along with it. Her blush caused him to shift in his seat, uncomfortable with all the implications drawn from the many thoughts rattling around his head. He almost felt ashamed for gazing so intently that he'd noticed. And even during rehearsal. Was he paying too close attention?

Everything was interrupted for the both of them, much to Michael's relief once again, as the food arrived. They ate in silence, at least for the first couple of minutes. The air between them had become tense and slightly awkward. And then Michael found himself more curious about the mystery man that had hurt her. "If you don't mind my asking, what happened with your ex that lead up to the marriage proposal and then wound up with him cheating on you with Ivy, of all people?"

\--------------------

It was almost like two sides of a coin. The two sides of cheating. It hadn't made sense to Karen until she watched the play of emotional pain over Michael's features. Michael had cheated on and with because he genuinely loved Julia. Dev had cheated because he was angry and spiteful. And if he had actually loved her, it wouldn't have happened.

Call Karen a romantic, but in her mind, the love made it justifiable. The love was what made her feel sad for Michael as opposed to the anger she felt toward Dev. It was also clear that there was a considerable amount of guilt crashing down on the man in front of her and it made her heart clench painfully at his obvious distress. There was a spur of the moment instinct to try to make him feel better by any means necessary, but just as she was about to act on it when the food was placed on the table.

Her concentration broken, Karen decided it was best to just keep quiet for now, both consumed by their own thoughts. Karen just hoped that Michael wouldn't be too hard on himself. But Karen knew that if he was as much like her as she thought he was, he would definitely continue to self-deprecate.

There were several minutes of tense silence as Karen picked at the food in front of her, having not had an appetite for the last week or so, and her stomach was in knots right now from the heavy atmosphere. Karen almost breathed a sigh of relief when Michael broke the tense silence, but his question unnerved her a bit.

It would be the first time that she really admitted to herself the role that she played in the fall of the relationship. She took a deep breath, eyes focused on the table in front of her, hands idly messing with cutlery.

"He was really supportive for so long while I was a waitress and trying to find any sort of role. We met about a month after I moved to the city and three months later we were living together. He's a press-handler at the Mayor's office. Things really changed though, when I started work on the workshop. He didn't like the long hours, he didn't like Derek and looking back on it, I was too selfish to really think about anything but getting where I wanted to go."

Karen swallowed hard, pausing for a moment as her throat got tight and she took a drink of water. "It's my fault, really. I stopped thinking about the relationship. I took for granted the support he gave me and so he started spending more and more time with this reporter, RJ, she's the one who's been around the show lately. He got into a fist fight with Derek when I slipped up and told him about the night I meant Derek. It was just a big mess, I guess. He apparently almost had a thing with RJ the night we got into Boston, I don't know. I didn't really ask for specifics. But that same weekend, he asked me to marry him and I couldn't give him an answer because things with the show were just so crazy."

"And he got mad and yelled at me that he had given up so much for me and he told me about RJ and I walked away and he somehow found Ivy. And even though he knew who she was and what sort of tense relationship she and I have, he slept with her. Which I didn't find out about until Ivy came up to me with the engagement ring that Dev had accidentally left in her room. I had even agreed to marry him at the point. Like a complete fool."

Glancing briefly up at Michael before looking back down, Karen shook her head. "But it's my fault really. I drove him away. I was selfish and single-minded and I guess that's the price you pay. Because people outside of the theater world don't understand the passion and the raw need. And you can't make them understand and so you more often than not end up with your dreams, alone."

Karen sighed, rubbing her eyes so as to keep from actually crying about it all. She really did not need Michael to see her that way, especially when he had already been so kind to her today.

\-----------------

Michael hadn't expected quite that much to have happened in the relationship. It wasn't that he didn't think she wouldn't have had any meaningful relationships up until this point in her life, but she was still so young. He took a few moments to process everything. This guy was a real piece of work the way he handled things. It was rather unsettling to hear what he'd done out of anger and spite. Certainly not the type of guy Karen deserved.

Then again, who was he to think anything like that? He wasn't the best kind of guy himself. But at least what he did was driven by a positive feeling, possibly the biggest one the world had to offer. He was never one to act on spite or revenge. Those ill-emotions carried so much weight he'd get buried by them.

Now it was his turn to comfort. He leaned toward her again, reaching a hand across the table to find hers and stop the idle fiddling. His thumb caressed the back of her hand. "He is just as much to blame for it. Every relationship is give and take, push and pull. Equally or it doesn't work. But you're right about people outside of the theater. They don't get it. Some can tolerate it, some embrace the lifestyle out of love. Some just resent it and never really try to relate or understand."

His brow furrowed a moment in thought, as if something suddenly came to his attention that he hadn't figured out before. "Being a part of this world, this life…it doesn't mean choosing one over the other. Dreams do not always mean loneliness. There are plenty of people out there who do understand and are willing to get themselves in the middle of it. But there will be struggles. How badly do you want all of your dreams to come true? How badly do you want someone to love and be loved by? What are you willing to sacrifice to have both? What are they willing to give up? It's all a matter of compromise. You can dream big, but having a relationship at the same time means not dreaming too big and giving up some too. It does not mean choosing one over the other and giving up something entirely."

Completely unaware now, his hand remained where it was, thumb still gently tracing patterns on the back of hers. The food had barely been touched and likely wouldn't be considered much more. He'd lost his appetite and she didn't seem to have hers either. They could always box it up and continue on with their day, perhaps go for a walk and check out some things, go to a bar to get a head-start on numbing their sorrows. At least, that's what he'd chosen to do most nights now. He wasn't proud of it and honestly didn't want to but it seemed to be the only way he'd manage to get some sleep each night.

\-----------------

Michael's tone and sentiment were incredibly comforting, but Karen's heart began to race as his hand took hold of hers. That seemed to be more comforting than his words. Karen's eyes met his and the look of sincerity took her aback. Most people in the industry said what they thought would get you to buck up.

Even her interaction with Derek in the costume room on the night of her first preview. He hadn't been looking to comfort her or to reassure her. He only needed her to stop crying and get it together in order to perform. His words would have been comforting if there had been any sort of sincerity behind them, but there wasn't. Derek held no affection for her that she could see.

Despite the fact that Michael had stopped talking, his hand continued to hold hers, his thumb tracing patterns that sent goosebumps up her arm. She bite her lip with a soft, sad smile on her face. "Thanks, Michael." Karen said, her voice low as she dropped his gaze. "You've been really amazing to me today."

After several long moments of silence, the waitress came back, placing the check on the table and clearing the plates. Karen took her hand from Michael to shuffle through her bag for her wallet, extracting what was left of the cash she had brought with her. Karen wasn't entirely sure what was going to happen from there, but she was kind of waiting for Michael to give some sort of indication of whether or not he had plans for the evening. Truth be told, Karen didn't really want to spend another evening by herself, but she wasn't going to foist herself on Michael either.

\------------------------

A small smile crept across Michael's face at her words. "Thank you as well. It's been…difficult not having someone to talk to about everything. It's nice to have someone willing to listen. It's also been nice listening to you and rehearsing with you too. You're wonderful." They slipped back into silence for a brief time before the waitress came back with their check.

It was in that moment that he realized he still had a hold of her hand. Instead of acting on panic, he just squeezed it lightly and withdrew his hand to retrieve his wallet from his pocket as she too pulled away from him. He waved her off when he saw her pulling her own cash out, "No, no. Allow me. I insist." With that, he took it upon himself to leave the full amount, plus tip. "Call me old-fashioned, but a gentleman doesn't let a lady pay - at least not the first time around." He grinned at her playfully which even came as a slight surprise to himself.

It was odd, the mix of feelings that had begun stirring inside of him. Comfort, ease, joy. They were invoked entirely by Karen. The complete opposite of the turmoil he'd been drowning in for the better part of his participation in the workshop. He felt like he could be more himself around her, calm and relaxed. At the same time though, she made him a little nervous. He was curious still, about her, wanting to explore their budding friendship further. He wasn't ready to face the rest of the day alone. Not after the morning they'd had together so far.

He stood up, stuffing his wallet back into his rear pocket. "What do you say we explore Boston a little? I haven't gotten out much here and I feel like I'm missing out on some much-needed sightseeing. That is, unless you have other plans?" He truly hoped that she didn't, and that he wasn't imposing on her.

\---------------------

Despite her beliefs about men expecting things when you allow them to pay for things, Karen allowed Michael to foot the bill. He seemed different than most of the men that Karen had encountered in her young life. He was gentle and kind. Causing in her pleasant emotions that it had been months since she'd felt. It was captivating and consuming.

Due to that presence, Karen had no choice but to respond in the affirmative to Michael. "I'd love to. I've never actually been here before. I suppose there must be some things that you're supposed to see while here." Karen said, her tone light and a genuine smile on her face.

Standing, Karen grabbed her bag, shoving her wallet and cash back into it. She checked her phone, deleting another voicemail from Dev with an almost growl. Karen quickly turned back to Michael though, hardly having to force the smile on her face as the two set out to explore Boston and their new friendship together.


End file.
